page 21 LIFE OF DAMIAN VAN-HYPE, PT TWO ; Virulent Virus comes to earth

From the very first moment Virulent Virus,the Alien,landed in a farm on planet earth it made an instant impression on the farming couple, Mr and Mrs Van-Hype, who were to become his adopted parents. It was nothing to do with it's spacecraft burning up their crop, destroying half their livestock, or crushing their favourite tractor, it was the alien's physical form that caught their attention. Apart from it's strangely mature nostrils and unearthly stare, it looked every bit like a young human being of diminutive stature.

The wholesale devastation of the Van-Hype's holding would have resulted in a pitchfork locating the most sensitive part of Alien's anatomy, had it not been for Mrs Van-Hypes timely intervention.

"Wait dear!", implored Mrs Van-Hype,"shouldn't we try to see the devastation of our farm from the Alien's point of view".

"What the hell are you talking about?" exclaimed Mr Van-Hype, through clenched teeth.

"Well, the Alien seems to be some kind of artist and probably sees our farm going up in flames as a breathtaking scene of smoke,death and destruction", explained Mrs Van-Hype.

But Mrs Van-Hype's attempt at reasoning didn't quench her husband outrage and had to resort to more direct pleading.

"Don't do it dear!",pleaded Mrs Vnd-Hype,"please don't do anything with that pitchfork until the Alien has a chance to explain why it considers the near wiping out of our livelihood to be a a work of art".

But Mrs Van-Hype had no reason to be concerned as the alien displayed an irresistible hypnotic charm,especially when it came under attack.Even as Mr Van-Hype let rip with a torrent of venomous fundamental truths like " YOU'RE NOTHING MORE THAN AN OBNOXIOUS LITTLE RUNT WHO IS OBSESSED WITH DEATH AND DESTRUCTION!",the alien just smiled,and Mr Van-Hype was overcome with the desire to adopt it.

Mrs Van-Hype could not have been more pleased as she always wanted a son, and because it bore a striking resemblance to themselves, especially around the nostrils, made it even more special.

The Van-Hypes may have lost a farm, but they had gained a son, and his name would be Damian Van-Hype, the same as great grandad Van-Hype,the artist, who also had a grossly exaggerated sense of his own importance, as did every Van-Hype, in whatever happened to be their chosen field of activity.

PAGE 22; the life of Damian Van-Hype,pt 2

Although the alien was not entirely sure about it's new name,Damian Van-Hype,it was more sure about losing it's real name,Virulent Virus, and so it embraced it's new earth parents, promising to be a true and loving son,which suited the Van-Hypes because now they could put it to work for free.

Mrs Van-Hype was more convinced than her husband of Damian's artistic abilities and suggested their son might produce some masterpieces to finance the rebuilding of the farm and perhaps even their retirement in old age.

It sounded oh so easy.All they had to do was leave it with a pencil and paper and wait for the lolly to flow in, but it didn't quite work out that way, because when it was confronted with said pencil and paper all that appeared after a full day was a blank sheet.

Mrs Van-Hype didn't give up and thought maybe it's media was paint,but that didn't seem to be the case either, because after a week with a full pallet of paints,canvas and every brush emaginable, nothing happened.Mrs Van-Hype began to worry and started to express doubts about her judgement of Damian, but that was nothing compared to her husband, who was on the brink of reversing their decision to adopt the Alien.

"What's the point of keeping it if it can't draw or paint" exclaimed Mr Van Hype,"we might as well hand it over to the appropriate authorities, and have done with it!"

"No we wont" demanded Mrs Van-Hype,"and let's get one thing straight, he's is, and always will be, our dear son Damian, and not an 'IT'!"

Nothing more was said as Mr and Mrs Van-Hype made their way outside to hide the spacecraft, but they needn't have bothered as it had already mysteriously disappeared. Suddenly realizing there was much more to Damian than they had previously thought, they rushed back to the farm cottage where they had left Damian alone. They weren't sure what they were expecting to find,but if it was their intention to stop it happening. Unfortunately, it was too late. Every stick of furniture was sawn in two; chairs,tables,and even doors, everything!

Mr Van-Hype's only concern was for the cat, while Mrs Van Hype was thinking Damian was annoyed because they didn't understand the blank paper and canvas were the actual works of art.On-the-other-hand, perhaps they were standing in the midst of the masterpiece,'DIVIDED FURNITURE IN A DIVIDED SOCIETY', either way, it could be the start of a new genre...and if Damian could make a spacecraft disappear, then perhaps he could do the same with high minded art critics that may regard his effort as so much junk.The future looked rosy.

page 23; life of Damisn Van-hype, pt two

Grandad Van-Hype, who had been down the pub during the extra terrestrial event, came rushing through the door shouting,"Hey, guess what, one o'them UFO things has been spotted coming down, and they say it landed somewhere around here!"

Mrs Van-Hype didn't want their son growing up being called a UFO or worse,and so after a quick think she said to grandad, who also wouldn't accept a UFO as a grandson,"Now listen grandad,we never told you how our first born was kidnapped at birth...well he was, and now he's been returned to us all grown up to be a fine boy, and, thank god, he's alright and normal, apart from his eyes... just don't look at his eyes!"

There was nothing to worry about because just like Mr and Mrs Van-Hype wanting a son, Grandad wanted a grandson, and nothing more was said on the matter.

The Van-Hypes could now see the way ahead to launch Damian's career, which they could not have considered had Damian not the power to destroy all critics intent on blocking his path to the top. It all seemed pretty straight forward and nothing could possibly go wrong, but the Van-Hypes were not taking any chances and embarked on a program of disciplines.

First, they agreed to always refer to Damian's work pieces as ART,and not JUNK, until he was older and wiser to understand the use of the ART word was just for the punters.

Also on the list would be instructions on how the most humble object will be transformed into an iconic metaphor for the meaning of life when touched by Damian..


Deluding Damian into thinking his JUNK was ART proved not be the most difficult part of his education as the Van-Hypes suspected he actually thought it was art,although they were never really sure,however,teaching him how to deliver the woffle words to justify the existence of his junk art proved to be more difficult, as it involved learning a whole new language of meaningless claptrap,


The Punters might be deluded into thinking Damian's art was something more than junk, but the Van-hypes weren't,which is why they were prepared to accept almost anything he might offer as his next and most significant work..or so they thought, in fact, nothing could have prepared them for what Damian created next...or to be more factual,FOUND.

TO BE CONTINUED...

PAGE 20 . WHEN DID IT ALL GO SO WRONG?

Art has traveled a long and winding road since the Barbizon School of art( 1830-1870 ) cut loose from the formal classical landscape style of the period,and somewhere along the way, a wrong turning was made that allowed JUNK ART to take a hold on our culture. But it's not just art, wrong turnings must have been made on every every human endeavour, otherwise we wouldn't now be in the LAST CHANCE SALOON desperately trying,this time,not to make the wrong turnings.

But the issue in question is to do with the travel of art and when it took the wrong turning.

The BARIZON SCHOOL was a major turning point,and although it was a radical movement in a period dominated by the classical academies, it still aimed at producing the commonly accepted concept of a finished painting, just as it's inspirational figure did, John Constable.

Impressionism was the next major turning in 1875, and is considered as the natural successor to the Barbizon school.It's disregard for the conventional and traditional views of art,especially when it came to the current opinion of what constituted a finished work of art, attracted the disenfranchised avant garde and was to consequently spawn many other radical genres.

Another turn in the road came in 1906 when the TATE GALLERY exhibited a group of William Turner's unfinished paintings to the delight of the MODERNISTS who judged them to be the greatest example of impressionism. William Turner was reborn as an avant garde and father of impressionism.Those artists, and so called artists, devoted to pushing the boundaries, had a great artist they could identify with, and art continued to evolve unabated in every imaginable direction. And although most schools produced plausible works of art, there was a general trend to dumbing down artistic content-

Possibly, the last turning came in 1984...WHEN IT ALL WENT SO WRONG. The PRIZE that took the name of the great landscape artist TURNER in vain, was born amidst a chorus of mocking derision from the media and howls of 'HOAX' from the public. If impressionism attracted the disenfranchised avant garde, then the JUNK ART PRIZE attracted the dispossessed and hopeless.

You may consider it's not too late to have a Renaissance in art that would return sanity to our culture, but it may prove easier to stop the ice caps melting than to reverse the AVARICE, MONEY SPINNING,CUNNINGLY MARKETED movement of JUNK ART.The trouble is ,these so called artists have been able to put themselves on a pedestal by avoiding interviews not primed to go along with their mumbo jumbo.Furthermore,because their so used to going unchallenged, they actually believe they never will be, and it's high time they were found out by seeing them for what they are.

The words that come out of the mouths of Junk Prize Artists is so much obscure mumbo jumbo that defies analysis,however there is a very rare unguarded moment when the words form sufficient sense that can be analyzed and challenged,such as;
when Antony Gormley decreed his ONE AND OTHER activity to be the NEW ART, and what's in the National Art Gallery to be the OLD ART, with the implication that it's redundant and inferior to what he practices,a practice which, incidentally, is judged to be art only by Gormley and his in circle , then there really has to be a reality check,and we could start by asking one simple question, "HAS THE ART WORD BEEN TURNER PRIZED TO DEATH?".
Forensisflush

PAGE 17. LIFE OF DAMIAN VAN-HYPE

Deep in the heart of a parallel universe was a planet much like our own Earth in every respect, but for one fundamental difference; it looked into the future and saw ENDLESS PROGRESS IN TECHNOLOGY leading to a DARK AND SOULLESS WORLD, and therefore decided, AS ONE UNIFIED COMMUNITY, not to embark on ANY INVENTION which would ultimately bring it to a period equivalent to our INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION. Instead, they devoted their lives to organically caring for the planet, and pursuing excellence in art.

The planet was known throughout the infinite myriad of universes for it's gentleness and love of art, not because of evidence, as there was none, but because every intellectual creature logically concluded there had to be a world more perfect than their own,and they were right, it was called UTOPIA.

Living with nature and not fighting nature, bestowed longevity on the lives of Utopians.

Conservation of nature was at the heart of Utopians' everyday lives, and because they were not preoccupied with self-vanity and only saw beauty in nature, LANDSCAPE artists' flourished.

All the great landscape artists we know and love existed on Utopia in the parallel universe, and remarkably, because of the extended life span of all Utopians, artists had the opportunity to meet those great artists of the past who offered them inspiration, and those great artist of the past had a chance to confront their critics in the future.

William Turner, the great landscape painter, would not have had a chance to meet his inspirational icon, CLAUDE LORRAIN, on earth as he died when Turner was only seven years,but would have on utopia. The measure of Turner's respect for Claude Lorrain was made clear in his will where he left wishes for his paintings to be hung alongside Claude Lorrain's paintings in the National Art Gallery. It will never be known what conversation took place between the two great artists, but it's quite possible Claude Lorrain would have found William Turner inspirational, especially if the meeting took place at the peek of Turner creativity.

Sir Joshua Reynolds must have turned in his grave when the Pre-Raphaelites hurdled insults at him. How dare a bunch of INDULGENT ROMANTICISTS criticize a great PORTRAIT PAINTER and CO-FOUNDER of the ROYAL ACADEMY OF ART! Sir Joshua Reynolds would have been justified in confronting the Pre-Raphaelites on Utopia, but, on-the-other-hand, it may not have been necessary as it's easier to insult the dead than the living, especially someone like Sir Joshua Reynolds who commanded universal respect and admiration.

page 18. life of damian van-hype

It seemed Utopian values in life and culture were not only set to last into eternity, but become stronger, richer, and deeper year-on-year because it would never be contaminated by outside influences, until one day, a spaceship, bearing an alien, obviously unaware of the idyllic society he was to become a flawed part of, landed on Utopian soil. The alien was called Virulent Virus, a name it longed to change and did, to Damian Van-Hype but not until it came to Planet earth many years later.

Utopians were not accustomed to inviting strangers into their midst, but their Utopian good nature made it natural for them to welcome Virulant Virus without knowing or even inquiring into why he had been ejected from every planet in the Parallel Universe... but they were soon to find out.

page 19; life of damian van-hype

Every art workshop in Utopia rejected Virulent Virus's attempt to gain entry with his portfolio of JUNK ART. Even when the alien re-branded his 'BITS AND PIECES' as CONCEPTUAL ART or INSTALLATION ART, it was seen as nothing other than exactly what it was, JUNK ART.

It wasn't in the nature of Utopians to mock or ridicule any attempt in the world of creativity, no matter how misguided and inept, and so decided to simply ignore the strange activities of the alien in their midst.Every Utopian paid no attention to Virulent Virus's phoney philosophies, with the exception of just one, and that was enough for the Alien to sew his seed, and Utopia would never be the same again.

The final end of UTOPIA was to come when the young listened to Virulent Virus telling stories of how other planets have robots that fulfilled the citizens needs in work, leisure and entertainment, leaving the peoples' imagination to dream only of having more material wealth than they already had.

Virulent Virus really wanted a planet where AGENTS CONTROLLED THE MIND AND GREED RULED THE HEART, which Utopia would one day become, but not soon enough for Virulent Virus, so when he was told to leave by those Utopians who believed their society still had something worth recovering, he left willingly.But his journey would be difficult as he had to find a universe in another dimension because he had outstayed his welcome in the whole of the parallel universe.

PAGE 16. Was 'The Battle of Trafalgar' Turner's Waterloo?

THE ROYAL ACADEMY OF ARTS was thirty years old when William Turner was accepted as an associate member at the age of twenty four, just three years after his first exhibition of oil paintings, which included his first masterpiece,'FISHERMEN AT SEA'.

Turner was in the company of other great artist who,like himself,depended on attracting commissioned work from wealthy patrons,and once having completed the commission, to give satisfaction beyond the patron's expectation.

Considering the very high stakes in commissioned work,it is not surprising that Turner,and other artists, devoted considerable time of the commission to preparatory work,such as sketching,fact research for authenticating details of the painting,and experimentation,something which Turner became famous for.

The most esteemed commission any artist could be awarded was from the reigning monarch,and in Turner's day, at the time of the commission, that would hove been GEORGE IV.

Turner was as keen as any other artist to get a foot in the ROYAL DOOR, but that wasn't to happen until 1822,and it proved to be tougher than any of his other commissioned work or non-commissioned work.Be in no doubt,Turner was money wise, a trait he inherited from his parents,and he knew only too well the value of succeeding in Royal circles.But had Turner's past experience prepared him for such a task?

Sir Joshua Reynolds,president and co-founder of THE ROYAL ACADEMY OF ARTS, was the greatest influence in Turner's romantic approach to painting landscape.He promoted the IDEALISATION OF THE IMPERFECT in painting a subject, which he referred to as THE GRAND STYLE.Such was Turner's early,and permanent, understanding of how a painting should be executed.In fact, much of his early work before 1830 evoked many of the great artists who had already established romanticism in landscape painting before the nineteenth century.

Turner's ROYAL COMMISSION was to paint a scene depicting the BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR, and a romanticist's approach to the subject matter proved to be an indulgence for a work that was going to be judged on accuracy of detail and political statement.

Turner had established his own gallery for displaying his work in front of an invited audience,but such a luxury would not be afforded to him for the first viewing of his completed commission.There was to be no hiding place for short comings,as it was to hang in ST JAMES'S PALACE alongside LOUTHERBOURG'S 'THE GLORIOUS FIRST OF JUNE'.

'THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR' was the most important, not to mention the largest oil painting Turner was to undertake, and he spared no effort in gathering specific information, which included borrowing detailed drawings of the victory from the admiralty and, although he already had information from his first painting of THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR AS SEEN FROM THE MIZEN STARBOARD, he also borrowed sketches of the Victory from his friend, marine art Schetky.Turner also produced two large oil sketches of the subject before embarking on the final work.

It's reasonable to assume the mountain of information Turner acquired for the commission would not have caused any problems,but his strategy for the composition did. He rejected the convention of marine painting, in favour of a 'sophisticated interpretation', which was at the heart of Turner fatally flawed commission.And being of a competitive by nature,he also expected his approach would create a painting that would outshine De Loutherbourg's painting.

The painting was complete in 1824 and right from the start Turner's sophisticated interpretation, coupled with lack of concern for chronological detail, offered a message that was misunderstood, and consequently the government and naval experts, who were expecting a literal reading of a great national event, were affronted by it's interpretation.In fact, the painting remained an embarrissment, even after Turner spent eleven days altering the work to meet criticisms.Most of the mistake would only be spotted by naval experts, perhaps with the exception of one; Turner had positioned Victory in the water in accordance with Schetky's sketches, which, unknown to Turner, showed the Victory unladen and higher in the water than it should have been under laden conditions, consequently Turner had to lower the Victory in the water.

It's difficult to imagine Turner not being phased by the experience of failing to succeed in his first Royal Commission.He certainly didn't show any sign of regret when, in characteristic fashion, he brushed the criticisms aside by quoting Michael Angelo who said, when one of his sculptures was criticized for not looking like the subject;"In a thousand years no one will know the difference".And it certainly didn't seem to distract Turner from the customary outpouring of masterpieces.

It was Turner's 'Waterloo' for Royal Commissions, but not for his career.And it would be unwise for critics of Turner to conclude his misguided experience with Royalty proved he wasn't worthy of being considered the greatest landscape painter of the nineteenth century, and the reason why he has been associated with junk art.Such a conclusion couldn't be further from the truth.

The Royal commission only reminded us cf Turner's competitive nature. Knowing his painting of 'THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR' would be hanging alongside 'THE GLORIOUS FIRST OF JUNE' by De Loutherbourg, an artist he found inspirational,meant only one thing, he had to outshine him.On this occasion it was a misguided endeavour,but nevertheless,a noble one.

And the SELF PROCLAIMED MOCK AVANT-GARDE artists should be advised not to think they've found a BOND with a GREAT ARTIST who, like themselves, is unconcerned with minor matters like detail, BECAUSE THERE IS NO BOND. Turner produced ten thousand fact finding sketches throughout his career, proving he was devoted to detail. It just so happens, in the case of the Royal commission, they were the wrong details

So, the 'PRIZE', this writer takes issue with, should not stop looking for another name to put a KISS on it's PIG, as the TURNER name is as far from JUNK ART as THE EARTH IS FROM THE EDGE OF THE UNIVERSE.

PAGE 3 TO 15. THE PHONEY AND BALONEY SHOW

PAGE 4. THE PHONEY & BALONEY SHOW

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Page 1; HAS THE ART WORD BEEN TURNER PRIZED TO DEATH?

PAGE 2. BRANDORA'S BOX

There was a time when BRANDS were non- intrusive guides to quality and reliability, you know, when corner shops ruled the high street and the most common form of personal transport was on two legs or two wheels, but that was long before America reached out to the world and created the modern phenomenon of the GLOBALIZED MULTINATIONAL BRAND, and now, for the most part, BRANDS are just cover for peddling MONEY-SPINNING JUNK from hamburgers to automobiles.

They spend BILLIONS telling society how wholesome their hamburger are or how their cars will set us free, and still we know the HAMBURGERS will CLOG-UP OUR ARTERIES , and the cars WONT SET US FREE, but MAKE US PRISONERS OF CONVENIENCE.

And yet we continue to buy into the brands, mostly because retailers limit our choice by only stocking the most promoted brands, which are, in the main, multinationals.

There is a basic truth the multinationals should understand, and probably do …in spades, ‘YOU CAN PUT LIPSTICK ON A PIG, BUT IT’S STILL A PIG’.

The LIPSTICK is the huge investments behind the BRANDS, and the PIG is the JUNK PRODUCT.

Modern technology delivered the coup de gras when it openned PANDOR'S BOX for BRANDS, releasing every form of marketing monster to attack our minds from every angle,on every second of every day,spinning us into a world where we cease to know what is real and what isn't .

And you maybe wondering what the cold-blooded world of BRANDS and MARKETING have to do with the ETHEREAL world of art, well it has absolutely everything to do with art.

The true intrinsic value of art, and so called art, on the modern art market has always been distorted by Multinational branding, but never more so than today, as meaningless blobs and squiggles exchange hands around the world for obscene amounts of money since the advent of the Turner Prize, a Prize which this writer intends to take issue with.

‘YOU CAN PUT LIPSTICK ON A PIG,BUT IT’S STILL A PIG’, a maxim which applies, in buckets, to the Turner Prize.

The PIG is the Junk art, and the LIPSTICK is Turner, surname of the great nineteenth century landscape painter, Joseph Mallard William Turner, whose name must cease being a prefix to the said Prize, and be replaced by a more appropriate name such as JUNK.

Whenever it’s found necessary to mention a certain exhibit of the aforementioned Prize, the writer will use the term ‘A PIECE OF JUNK’ or when mentioning the winner of said prize, ‘THE PIECE OF JUNK’, to avoid exposing specific exhibits to further condemnation and ridicule, which perversely enhances it’s reputation among the elite of the aforementioned Prize, and even more perversely, their monetary value.

To appreciate why Turner should be decoupled from the aforementioned Prize, a certain amount of historical evidence is required to prove William Turner would be horrified at being associated with junk art.

Perception of Turner’s greatness will not be taken into account, only the degree to which he was a dedicated LANDSCAPE PAINTING will be central to the issue.

The natural pressures of patronage persuaded many well established British water colour artists not to venture into oil painting, but instead decided to take the safe route of specializing in water colours to the near exclusion of oils. Some dabbled in oils, but not to the degree that would threaten their patronage in water colours.

But Turner was not interested in the comfortable position of standing still, despite having generous patronage as a water colour artist, Turner dedicated himself to transforming his landscape painting with the depth of oils, and quickly produced the famous ‘fishermen at sea’, also known as ‘Cholmely sea piece’ as his first masterpiece in 1803 at the age of twenty two.

Landscape painting was probably the least popular and most difficult career for an artist to follow, not least because it involved extensive travel, which in Turner’s days did not include the air- conditioned transport we’ve become accustomed to. Overland journeys were mostly by stagecoach, and sea journeys were by sailing ships; it was COLD, WET, AND WINDY, not to mention DANGEROUS. We can get a very good insight to the degree of adversity Turner experienced in pursuit of his art in an account of how G.D.Leslie saw Turner during the last years of his life: ‘HE ALWAYS HAD THE INDESCRIBABLE CHARM OF A SAILOR BOTH IN APPEARANCE AND MANNER: HIS LARGE GREY EYES WERE THOSE OF MAN LONG ACCUSTOMED TO LOOKING STRAIGHT AT THE FACE OF NATURE THROUGH FAIR AND FOUL WEATHER ALIKE’.

The abundance of evidence that proves Turner’s dedication to landscape painting isn’t matched by the patchy and contradictory evidence of his character. Turner had more than his fair share of art critics who tended to base their assessment of his character on first impression, which in ordinary cases are wildly over optimistic or unfairly negative; in Turner’s case they were possibly unfairly negative. The only account of his character, which seemed to look beyond the first impressions, was from John Ruskin who met Turner for the first time in 1840 and recorded these comments in his diary:

‘Everybody had described him to be a boorish, unintelligent, vulgar man, this I knew to be impossible. I found in him a somewhat eccentric, keen-mannered, matter-of-fact, English-minded gentleman: good natured evidently, bad tempered evidently, hating humbug of all sorts, shrewd, perhaps a little selfish, highly intellectual, the power of his mind not brought out with any delight in their manifestation, or intention of display, but flashing out occasionally in a word or look.’

Clearly, this is the profile of a man who would not suffer fools gladly, and who was totally focused on the business of his art activities in every respect, with other issues being peripheral.

And no matter how long or hard anyone chooses to look at his profile, they wont find the slither of evidence that might suggest he would consider ‘JUNK ART' as a quantum leap in the artists’ perception and interpretation of the world. If landscape painters such as John Constable would turn in their grave were they to be associated with JUNK ART, then William Turner must be spinning cartwheels

Turner, just like other great landscape painters, was on a journey to put the beauty of nature on canvas for all people of good taste to see and appreciate, and it is beholden on every lover of landscape painting to continue the journey by establishing ‘THE TURNERSCAPE PRIZE’, which would be open only to the best of landscape painters, just as the ‘BOOKER PRIZE’ is open only to the best of writers. ‘THE TURNERSCAPE PRIZE’ will almost certainly not escape becoming a ‘Multinational brand’, but it would be a brand respected round the world, and not an annual joke for the media to poke fun at.

But is it too late to rescue the art-word from the abyss of silliness? HAS THE ART-WORD BEEN TURNER PRIZED TO DEATH? Well, it will be if the second step can’t be implemented, namely to remove TURNER from the PRIZE that took the name of the great landscape painter to dignify it’s JUNK art. Do we really want the next civilization, thousands of years from now, to look back on our culture to discover it was all about NICKELS AND DIMES, when WE KNEW THE PRICE OF EVERYTHING AND THE VALUE OF NOTHING.

Let’s assume common sense prevails and Turner is at last treated with respect and ‘THE TURNERSCAPE PRIZE' is established then we’ll have a PRIZE worthy of honouring the great artist’s name and returning art to the people. ‘THE JUNK ART PRIZE’ will still bask in the glow of ridicule and condemnation, but it wont be on CENTRE STAGE, and even those avarice collectors in possession of junk art will think twice about calling it ‘ THE MOST PRODIGIOUS PRIZE IN THE ART WORLD'.

But a word of warning to those expecting a RENAISSANCE OF COMMON SENSE:

Brands, especially in the art world,are more about money than almost anything else, and for that reason, it will not be easy loosening JUNK ART’S strangle hold on the name of the great landscape painter.

The trouble is, some things don’t flush as easy as others, but don’t despair, the chain will continue to be pulled, aided by generous contributions from this writer, Forensisflush.